Chatting to Mireia Miró

Mireia Miro photo.jpeg

Miriea Miró is a former world champion ski mountaineer, the youngest woman to ever hold the title, at the tender age of 22.

She was also a trail runner and a base jumper, constantly chasing the highs, the energy and the intensity.

Following a long battle with knee and gut issues, four years ago she finally hit rock bottom and from there has been on a journey to understand herself, to work on her belief system and ultimately to help others as a life coach.

We talk about her sporting career, the long road to her breakdown, the subsequent self-discovery in coming out the other side, self-care, acceptance, taking action and the importance of talking about mental health.

It’s an inspiring talk with someone who is obviously and rightly proud of the road she has been down. She is upbeat and honest about her struggles and so positive about the future and her enthusiasm for helping other people is evident.

You can contact Mireia on https://www.mireiamirovarela.com/en/ or on Instagram on @mireia_miro

The teachings that Mireia follows are by https://drjoedispenza.com/ and https://www.tonyrobbins.com/

Transcript

Please note transcripts are automatically generated by artificial intelligence and may not be 100% accurate.

SPEAKERS

Mireia Miro, Catie Friend

 

Catie Friend  00:02

Hi, welcome to chatting to a friend. I'm Katie Friend. And in this podcast I'm chatting to incredible women about their life experiences and adventures, as well as their thoughts on friendship, community self care, setting boundaries, and how they keep healthy, happy unsane. Today I'm chatting to Maria Mito, former world champion schema engineer turned life coach, we are talking about her sporting career, but more about how about four years ago, after a bit of a breakdown, she decided to rebuild her life and use her own experiences to become a life coach and to help others. A truly inspiring chat. Hi, Maria, how are you?

 

Mireia Miro  00:45

Hi, thank you. Fine. Good. I'm

 

Catie Friend  00:47

very, very happy to have you on the podcast we have met on and off over the years very briefly on the skimo World Cup circuit. But it's very nice to talk to you in person.

 

Mireia Miro  01:00

Yeah. Yeah. It's been now, two, three years that I'm not in the circuit. But yeah, I had been there for a long time, so on and off some years also, but my dad has been a long career in ski mountaineering.

 

Catie Friend  01:17

Just a little bit of background, a world champion, ski mountaineer and a World Cup winner and a three time peer mentor winner. That's amazing. For those who may not know what the peer mentor is, can you give us a little bit of background?

 

Mireia Miro  01:30

Yeah, permitted. for the, for the ski mountaineering race. It's a it's more than it's a is more than 2500 metres of elevation gain. And some people compare it like the Tour de France in ski mountaineering.

 

Catie Friend  01:48

Incredible and you've watched it three times, which is pretty impressive. And, and you're also you've been a trail runner and done some BASE jumping. Did I read on your website?

 

Mireia Miro  02:00

Yeah. Also also did some BASE jumping.

 

Catie Friend  02:05

Okay, good. And then so that was a few years ago. Now, as you said, and you're in a new profession, now you are a life coach.

 

Mireia Miro  02:17

Yeah, I am a life coach, I spent many years in the sport with some good moments with some other moments that were not that good. And finally, yeah, three years ago, all these all these I wouldn't either like the war bad moments, but led me to start exploring more about how the mind war works, how our thinking and behaviours works to create the life that we want to be in the state of being that you want to be. And, and I start diving into all those, all those concepts of And recently, I finally decided to take the leap and use it also. To work to work on it professionally, finally, I was spending. I mean, I've been working on myself every day for the last years. And, and for me, it was kind of really natural to start working professionally on on that. Because I've really developed some skills for myself, and it was a way to put to serve other people on a way that I like to serve.

 

Catie Friend  03:25

Incredible, amazing how you can take something that happened, it was not so positive and turn it into helping other people. I love that. Could you maybe talk us about through your journey? Because you were very successful schema engineer, as we said, and then you were there. You weren't there. You were on, you're off and then suddenly Not at all. I know you had some knee injuries and and so on. And then I read in Instagram the other day that you About four years ago you were at rock bottom. Can you maybe talk us through the journey from World Class ski mountaineer to really in a in not such a happy place.

 

04:07

Yeah, yeah, it has been an amazing journey and a lot of ups and downs and as you said, I I start my ski mountaineering career reading a good pace and, and doing really good and and I became ski mountaineering Junior World Champion. And then I became ski mountaineering under 23 World Champion and ski mountaineering senior World Championship all in for five years. It was all very fast, all all the way up to the summit up to the top of the sport, it was really fast and and, and, and I mean, it was kind of natural, right? And then you are up on on a sport that you been putting your life on for the last five years or so. And, and you envision your future and you know, I mean, I was thinking Like, wow, I have a great future in front, right. And I'm now on the top. I'm on the top and senior category with really young age, I was 22 at the time, and I think that I was an I still am the youngest person to win a World Championship in senior category, and it's not. I mean, if I'm wrong, something to me. It's not a problem if I have to, to, to admit that mistake, but I think I think that, that, that I'm, I'm the youngest woman to achieve winning ski mountaineering individual World Championship in senior category and vertical race, right. And I was really young, bright future ahead in the sports and then something goes wrong, right. And, and I at that time, I also start try running in summer, and I was also performing super, super good level, I was winning the races where I was going and and, you know, when your mind starts to arrive to vision and think, wow, I have a Yeah, I have a really great future in front. And then I had a knee injury. And it had to be an injury that could heal fast, but, but I will, I will, I will make the story short, because we can talk about, about all the story for a long time, right, but making the story short, the injury became chronic injury, and then I start getting so frustrated with myself because I wasn't performing at the level I wanted to perform. I wasn't feeling that I was where I wanted to be. And, and, and I was doing at the time, I was doing still good results. But for me, it wasn't enough. It i was i was in such frustration for the situation, I was in that it was kind of eating myself. And, and I start also having that problems. And, and finally on on 2013 I said wow, I cannot hold it anymore, I have to stop and I have to take a break and I have to do something different because my mind is burnt out right I I'm training everyday I have pain I'm starting to develop also got problems and and I'm so frustrated because I'm not performing at the level I want to perform. And I'm saying that I was still being dissolved because I was always on the podium on the World Cups and and the World Champs but it wasn't enough for me. So. So I start the job by jumping at the time and I stopped completely ski mountaineering. And I start by jumping in for me to ask kind of our relief. I always say that, that my life in skinny Anthony was so intense that I I was looking for something super intense to replace it. Yeah. And I love that feeling of kind of, of having. I mean, at that time I started shopping and you start you jump off a cliff and it's a feeling like wow, it's the life and death. It's really seen right the line when you start I mean, I want to explain myself because when you start practising more and knowing more of the sport, I mean, the line is not that thin. But at the beginning there's a feeling right that is there's a feeling that wow, this is for is extreme, and I have to be careful. And I have to be my mind has to be sharp when I practice a sport because it's it's easy if I'm not sharp, sharp minded to get hurt. And I'm, well then I I spend one or two years only dumping and then I still have pain on my knees. I still had problems on my oh my god and and I don't know, how are we? I, I I start again? Well, I know why I know why.

 

09:02

But I have I started competing in Kenya scrutineering but I have been disconnected for two years and in my physical problems were still there. And in it was impossible I mean was impossible for me to perform at a high level so so I still did two three years more computing on ski mountaineering but it was really frustrating for me to ask for different varying kind of weather when you have seen yourself so in the top to see yourself really far and that you are just not capable. You are just not capable to come back. And and you don't know why that's the worst. You don't know why and you have pain your knees. I had pain in my God, my mind was not working well. So. So really, yeah, there was a moment where I touched the bottom and I start asking myself really, I think that are really profound questions like what am I doing here? Right. What is life? About and, and I always say to a person that is asking these questions that this is a great moment, this is a great moment, because when you start asking yourself these questions, it's a new door for you can open. Right and, and you are at the bottom, you are in a difficult place, you are in a difficult situation. You don't find any sense on anything. You're questioning what is life about and what am I doing here, but it's a great moment to, to take a new direction, a new direction that that is more aligned with our purpose of what we are doing really here. And, and it happened this way. Right on. And on. Four years ago, I I remember one day that I was kind of I'm not a religious person or whatever. Right. But, but I I, at that time, I believe that there's a force that is giving everything life, right. And it's not perfect, because everything is perfect. And nature is perfect. And we are As humans, we are also perfect. And and I asked this, this force this, that I asked for guidance, I really needed something to I really needed some something to tell me that that. Okay, there was a sense of being here. And, and there was a meaning and, and I had to which direction did did I have to follow? And the answer came right. And I start that was the moment. I mean, it was my worst moment. And I remember it really clear. But and I already had been some years before going down right falling to that place. But for me, that was the before and after that, and I won't say that, that everything has been perfect from them. Because it hasn't and I have had to work on myself a lot. I have had to work on it on a deep level also myself. And but there was a complete change, right? That's when when you know that you are really taking a term and you are not taking a kind of okay, I'm, I'm burned out of this. And now I do that? No, I'm not talking about this kind of term in your life. I'm talking of a deeper term.

 

Catie Friend  12:22

Amazing. And I was I saw I saw, I've got so many questions. I completely understand not that I've ever been a high level athlete or anything like that. But about this time last year, I had, what I sort of described as a nervous breakdown, perhaps wasn't as dramatic is that and that sort of expression doesn't really exist in medicine in medical circles anymore. But I was talking to somebody recently, and they said, she called it a reset. She said you had a reset. And I thought that is the most magnificent word for it. And it describes exactly what you've just said, there's a point before, there's the time before and there's the time after it. And you don't suddenly get better the next day. But it's a point at which you say I have a choice to make here. To help myself get better. Or

 

13:17

Yeah,

 

Catie Friend  13:18

to just keep you know, to not live the life I need to live.

 

13:23

Yeah, yeah, completely and is what you say, right? It's not that the day after everything is fine. But you start the journey, and that moment, you start a different journey. And at least I start a different journey. And I start looking more into the inner world. I start looking more on how I was reacting to, to my environment. How was it was I thinking how was that affecting on how I was feeling and and you start developing a different sense of things and a different perception and a different perspective. And yeah.

 

Catie Friend  14:04

And so what what were the what were some of the practical things that you did, as a realisation? For example, me when I realised that I really needed to take more care of myself I one of the first things I did was I gave up quite a lot of my commitments, my sort of voluntary commitments, I just said, I can't do it. I started saying, No, I'm sorry, I can't help. What did you have some practical things that you did right there and then to sort of alleviate your anxiety or depression or whatever it was that you felt that you were suffering?

 

14:37

Yeah, I started meditating. I started with meditation and I started doing Dr. Joe dispenza work i is now third that I would recommend always to everyone. I think that for me, he changed my life. I mean, I mean, I had, you know, I listen to many people and but I really think I really loved the way he explained things and how we, how he, he, he explained really difficult things, very easy for everyone. And I start doing his work daily. And ensure then I have learned from other authors and, and I have, you know, you you are you expand your knowledge expand your but but for me, this was the best work I could have ever done.

 

Catie Friend  15:30

And what would so what sort of work does he do? Can you give us an example?

 

15:34

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I mean, yeah, yes, he does so many things. And he's, he's so great. But he's neuroscientists, his chiropractor also. And he has many, he has done many research on the brain. And so he bases his work on on meditation and how to rewire your brain through metacognition. And he also explains a lot Well, there are many others that explain that, but but how you're thinking and feeling affects your, your inner state? And how does this affect what you create in your life, right, and that everything that we create Finally, is a projection of who we are being right. And so by rewiring your brain through meditation, you are creating a new state of being, and then that's attracting things. But this is kind of I mean, this is just one part right of his work, because he also explains, I mean, he explains different techniques, he has different types of meditations. And, and for sure, for me, it was really a eye opener, right to all these years. And in kind of, wow, I mean, everything he said, For me had many cells. And I'm not saying that people have to follow him or do their work. I think that what is important is, for me, what was really important is to find an author that speak to me, that I really felt that well, I understand this guy, and I love what he's explaining. And I sticked to his, to his teachings, right, and, because what I see today is that people when they are in crisis, when they, they are so lost, and they start looking here looking there, but but they don't put into practice the knowledge and if they put it, they put it for so short amount of time that they cannot see results. And if you want to see results, when you are in a crisis, you have been, I mean, many time creating these moments. So you have to give also time to get out of it. Right. And people don't have patience to to apply and apply the work of someone.

 

Catie Friend  17:41

And no, that's absolutely true. Because when I finally reached out for help, I sorted there was a part of me that thought, well, I'll just go and see, you know, the doctor or the nutritionist, and you know, the acupuncturist and then and then at all, I'll be fine, I'll be fine. Because I think a lot of the time Yes, you're right, we are impatient, but we also were hardwired, I think to go Well, yes, well, I certainly am, well, it'll, it'll all be fine. And then, when someone said to me, this is gonna take you about a year, and only if you look after yourself, and you continue to look after yourself to, you know, practice self care, which we all sort of think is having a nice hot bubble bath. But in fact, it's so much more than that. And it's all about, as you say, consistently, eating right, sleeping correctly, you know, saying no, all the things that, you know, putting boundaries in place to protect yourself. Yeah. And

 

18:40

this remembers me that I, I mean, I was there also, I mean, I spent years years thinking, Okay, I will go maybe one day to the psychologist or two days, and, and it's fine enough, right. And then I yeah, I mean, it was me myself, I wasn't sticking to, to do things, right. I when I want to kind of the miracle solution in one day, one hour, and, and that's fine. Don't bother me anymore, right. And that's not how it works, really. I had to learn it the hard way,

 

Catie Friend  19:19

I think but I think when you get to that situation, you unfortunately you do have to learn it the hard way. Because as you say, it's taken you a long time to get into that situation. And so, actually, even the coming out the other side, it's hard because you're confronting a lot of beliefs that you've held for a long time, whether that be about eating or relationships or whatever it might be that you know or your body. And so you got to rewire reprogram yourself and these things as you say do not come overnight. So what and in terms of your You said you asked sort of the higher power or whatever the you know, yes, source whatever one believes and yeah, do you feel like you almost had to have permission from somewhere for someone or something higher than you to say it's okay, you can, you can stop the craziness. No. And you can stop the adrenaline and the near life and death and the heart racing and punishing your body. It's okay, no, you can, you can start to look after yourself.

 

20:35

And I think that if I didn't know, had arrived to that point to that really bottom point, because I was physically I was physically, really, I mean, I had, it was not only my knees, then I had pain in my head in my feet. And also, my, my, all my gods were in a very, I mean, I was in a very bad place physically. And I think that and, and that's also meant, but I think that I hadn't arrived to that place, I wouldn't have taken action that I have done. It was impossible, because I had the opportunity for many times before I had years of opportunities to, to start taking action. And I didn't do it. You know, I had to wait until I was I wasn't my worst place to really say, okay, that's, I mean, that's all, you know, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna go beyond where I am now. It's for me to my bottom. And now I have to really take action in a different way. And, and I think that I needed I needed that to take action with how, on on the way I have done it. If not, it would have been impossible, right? And, and, and so with these, I want to say that everything's perfect. I mean, the timing was perfect. It was the perfect moment. I mean, I didn't know how to put words on that. Because now, it's now that I see that at that moment, I didn't have this understanding this perspective, right. But when I see it from now, it's kind of, I understand it. And it has sense for me. And every time it was perfect. Every timing was perfect. And my situation was also perfect.

 

Catie Friend  22:18

You're absolutely right. You don't you wouldn't take the action, because I had spent a long time saying, oh, if I just eat a bit better if I just maybe do this, you know, I'll just give it another month or I'll just give it another week. And then suddenly, there's that big bam. And you think, okay, know that I can't do this on my own? I can't. I have to, I have to reach out and get help. Do you? Did you have a supportive community around you, friends, family? And do you think that they had noticed that things are getting worse? But it's sometimes difficult to to accept help? Until you notice you really need it?

 

23:06

I'm kind of a really solitary person solitary, is that English? It is correct. And I get the I have to do a lot of things for myself. And I think that, even me, I didn't realise where I was. I'm realising now because now I'm much better. Right? And when I look back as well, wow, how could I be there? And how could I? I be there for so long time. It's kind of now it's kind of even for me to understand, right? How was that possible? And, and I think that I was the first that I didn't want to, to really accept and look where I was, right. I what I know is I was suffering, I was feeling frustrated and I was feeling all those kinds of, of negative emotions but but I didn't know what to do. I was I mean, I didn't. I was kind of I was kind of inside my box right and, and and, and I couldn't see beyond that. And sure there were friends that that that so how I was but but I have been always a person that I have that I like to decide for myself and where I want and when I want it and I don't like it all that some that someone chooses for me. And so I think that that people can tell you or they can try to tell you but but you have to be the one that realises where you are and and realises that you want something different for yourself. And this is the first step I think that and when you when you when you say I want something different for myself, is not what we are talking right what I've done for years like Something fast and okay. Or I think, I don't know, I don't like my job, it is my job. And so it's kind of a bigger commitment of this inner work, and really taking be taking conscious being conscious of, of what you have been doing until now. And what is not working? What is not working of who you have been being? Right. I don't know if I'm explaining myself.

 

Catie Friend  25:27

No, you are you absolutely are. And I wondered if you could tell us some of the things that you do do differently now, that have allowed you that perhaps, even though you maybe didn't see the difference straightaway, can know that you can look back? Can you give us sort of other daily habits or their monthly habits? Are there things that you do so very differently now that you think, Why on earth? Was I not doing that before? Yeah, I

 

25:56

mean, the way I see my own situation, I mean, we all have difficulties in our lives, right? And, and I like I've said this sentence, because this race, because I have heard for so many people from so many people, but but it's pain is is what suffering is optional. Pain is how it is in English, pain is an oblique is obligated, but suffering emotional right? Now, okay, we all have difficulties on our lives. And this is, this is not this is kind of not an option, right? Where we all have difficult times or have challenging situations. But suffering is optional. And this means the way you choose to look at them. And the way you choose to deal with these situations is, is your choice, right? And way you emotionally engaged with these situations, right. And with these, I tend to imagine, and I still have to change a lot. I mean, I'm not where I want to be yet but, but I've changed so much in an item. I mean, I have learned to work a lot of my state of being and, and also to, to, to start questioning my own beliefs. And these are unpredictable, I meditate, I do meditation every day now for three years or so. And I also from time to time, work on my vision and, and my vision in life, and I work on the beliefs or my limiting beliefs that are stopping me to get there. And I do a lot, a lot of inner work for myself. And for example, I don't write every day, but from time to time I like to I like to stop and in tech, which which are my the limiting beliefs that are stopping to anywhere I want to get and what is what I really want. And I believe kind of a techops right. And, but but then it's an everyday practice also. Right. And it's an everyday practice of how do I I, I engage with everything that's happened around me and and i think that I'm more and more much relaxed. And I have had I have learned also, to question my thinking to question my beliefs to don't take things too personally, to don't take things as a punishment. I mean, it's kind of I was really in a victim place. And I see now and I had so many problems, but I was giving them them also because I wasn't a victim state right. I was kind of everything is against me, right? I was kind of getting that life happening of you all these to me, right? This kind seems the world has made a complaint against me. Working, nothing was working. And I had that feeling that nothing was working because for me nothing was working right. But but but when you understand that it's not the welcome plotting against you that that you have the power to decide how you want to feel how you want to think how you want to show up in your life, which direction direction you want to take in your life, then things start to change.

 

Catie Friend  29:12

It's incredible, because you talked a lot in there about beliefs and limiting beliefs. It's something that I've been learning a lot about recently, and it's absolutely extraordinary. How much of your beliefs come from your childhood, how your parents were, what you know, not suggesting anybody, anything bad about one's parents, anyone's parents just that that's what they believed to be the truth or the case. And presumably, you as a young athlete, you must have had coaches as well. And you know, you you soak in so much of what other people believe to be true. And it's so extraordinary when you finally think actually, I don't think I do believe that anymore. I I choose to go this way. that subject.

 

30:01

Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah. Now, and and, uh, you know, one other thing. Other thing that I have learned from this time is that I'm not always right. I mean, it's, it's been my way of thinking it's my, another person have its way of thinking and everything is perception is the way you are, you are making the interpretation of what's happening, right. And in our belief system is I mean, our minds 95% unconscious and 5% conscious, right and on our legal basis, so, so we are operating from the, from the unconscious part almost all day. And our unconscious part of the mind is made up of all these beliefs that that have been made from experience from our parents from how we grew, and, and all that stuff, right. And once you start, once you start being curious about them, and once you start digging more into them, you realise that you are the one that you are, I mean, you are seeing the world through your own story. And you are telling your own story of the world, right and of things. And I see these a lot when, for example, when two people break when a couple breaks one plane, one lorry and the other a completely different one. And, and they have both been the same situation. And you would say, Wow, this seems kind of a different, completely different story. Right?

 

Catie Friend  31:31

Yeah. Have you? Well, they always say there's always three versions of the truth. Yeah, one person's version, the other person's version? And then what actually happened?

 

31:41

Yeah, completely. Yeah, that's it. That's it. And, and once person's version, and the other person's version is made of their own beliefs, right. And, and I think that it's a very interesting subject, right. And I've worked a lot also myself on that. And I'm saying, right, I still have this feeling that I have still a lot to work, it's kind of now it's good. For me, it's kind of an endless, and it's worth working on, on your mind and on your, on your belief system on yourself. And on your connection also to the world.

 

Catie Friend  32:15

It's really interesting, you say that, because I feel a little bit the same, and I'm a little bit earlier in my journey than you. You know, it's not it's not it's only been a year, since I had my sort of reset, as we will call it. And, and, but I sometimes, I don't know about you, I sometimes get a little bit overwhelmed by the whole, you know, challenging my beliefs or trying to change the way I deal with things. Because sometimes I think, oh, it would just be really nice to just not go back to the way it was. But you know, I just wish it were easier, or I wish that I didn't have to think about this all the time. How do you help people with that sort of big, you know, because there is, it's good to start to challenge yourself, but sometimes you presumably just need to give yourself a break.

 

33:07

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Totally, totally. And sometimes, you just need to relax and accept accepting, right when, when you start doing this work, sometimes you get too caught, too caught up on it, and I'll explain myself is not about to get cut, cut up on it, but I work with some some clients that I do some sessions and I tell them, Hey, this is not now for you to judge yourself and in and have a mean and overwhelm yourself because we will be on the same place that you were right and, and sometimes you just need to relax and in, okay, I, okay, I've been working for some time, now I have to integrate over what I have worked and, and, and also realise that when you start being overwhelmed, you start being on a place where you don't want to be and, and the solution is okay, I can lead myself to stop doing right. It's, I don't have to do doo doo doo doo all the time I I can lend myself to stop doing and just maybe take a day or so of being an acceptance of Who am I and being on a state of gratitude, gratitude and right and just take the day easy and and just let go right let go in a in a gratitude state and acceptance for and when I say acceptance, I also talk about acceptance for yourself. Right? Because I mean, finally, we are all doing I mean, it's kind of I don't know what the feeling is but but to to also to congratulate yourself for the work you're doing.

 

Catie Friend  34:53

Quite I totally agree. I could not agree more. That sometimes you just have to say well done me I say that to me, honestly, I say that to myself every time I meditate. And every time I managed to do some yoga, I say, well done me. Well done. Because you think I took the time out of my day to do this thing that I know will make me feel better.

 

35:17

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Right. We are. Sometimes we are so much in the doing mode that we just forget to stop and say, Hey, you did good today?

 

Catie Friend  35:28

Yeah. And do you think having been a professional sports person has helped in in a in your own journey? Or has it been difficult because being a sports person means that you are presumably fairly results focused? You are quite driven? You know, we talked earlier about, you know, wanting results right now? Or do you think, do you think that it has given you more understanding? Because, you know, you know, that you can't go from sitting on the couch to being World Champion just like that? Or do you think it's hard because impatience to be good and have results and see tangible things? and makes it more difficult?

 

36:09

Yeah, I think that in some things, it has been good. I mean, some things, it has been more difficult. And, and, you know, I, I, I wasn't, I think that I still am very stubborn. And so change for me change in a deep level. It has been for me, it has been, I mean, it has been a slow process. Because I my time, right. And you did me that easy, right? I need to understand and I need to apply and I experience and Okay, it's not maybe the way I I imagined but on the other side, I I committed to it. Right. And I have been very disciplined. And I have I, I have learned and I am still learning to trust to trust the process. Right. And, and I think that in some things have been very helpful. And in some others have, it's been very difficult. Because, yes, and at the beginning, I remember that I wanted results fast. And even when I started meditating, I thought, Okay, I'm gonna start meditating. And when I arrived, where I want to be, I'll stop, right? People and I want to say that because many people I for many people that wants to start meditating, meditating, because they want to solve one problem. So they want to meditate for one week, and the problem will be gone. Yeah, either. Right. And, and, and yeah, now I can love about it. And but I remember that, yeah. When even when I started meditating, for me, plus a lot of results and in, and now I'm relaxing, more and more. And, and I have also seen that, that when you are first in the results, it's more difficult than they come. But when you relax, and you, you focus yourself more in the process, then things come.

 

Catie Friend  38:01

Exactly, no, I couldn't agree more. Do you feel? I mean, it's a it is so important, I feel that we talk about these things, because it is, especially now in the crazy times that we're living in where people are, you know, mental health is such a huge part of this whole global pandemic. How do you How are you going about talking about this more, I see you on your, on your Instagram, and you're doing podcasts and interviews and so on? Is how important is that for you?

 

38:37

Yeah, for me, it has become my life. And, and it's the place where I find sense, where I find more and more sense to everything, right, and being able to work with people and to help through their difficulties and help them see different perspectives to their problems and different solutions to their problems. For me, it's so fulfilling, it's so fulfilling, because I have this feeling that I'm contributing that I'm contributing in a really positive way because I can see changes with the people that I work with, and just have this feeling that I am growing, because I'm growing every day and unconsciously every day through the people that I work with through the my own work that I do with myself and and I also think that now is such an important time. An important time. The world is kind of upside down. Yeah, look at the world from outside you would say well, these people are crazy. Right and, and, and many people are going through through through this kind of awakening process. I mean, you can use the word one I I even I don't mind a lot of the words people use but but these crisis that brings that kind of a deeper realisations and and i think that it's really great time, right and it's a really great time because all these Working in and this is what doctors are teachers, right is how to how do you want to feel independently? Or on what is going outside? Right? And what do you want to create and, and what we are seeing in the world is also our creation, right? It's never self so. So it's to ourselves to change that. And, and it's not. For me it's not through taking action on the door, it's an inner wall and in, in going on a deeper level to realise what is important, right. And and from where do you want to act? This is what is important from where am I acting? Right?

 

Catie Friend  40:39

Absolutely. And I think it's so so important that people, especially now today, in this crazy world, they know that they're not alone that other people are going through these journeys. Nobody's journey is exactly the same. But it's, it's the principle is the same. You know that we are all under enormous amounts of pressure in the modern world, especially in the current global crisis, as you say. And I think talking about this, it took me a while to be comfortable talking about it, I don't know about you, I told my closest friends when it happened, but I'm now very comfortable. And I think it's important because I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of, or embarrassed about. You know, it just makes you realise that the person next to you is suffering or could be suffering, and you don't know about it. So, you know, it's the old adage of, you know, in this world where you can be anything be kind?

 

41:37

Yeah, and, and yeah, and it took a long time for me also to talk about it and, and I thought, well, what will people seeing that they will, they will think that I'm crazy of doing things like right wing, I mean, I mean, for people that have grown maybe in, in an ambience where they talk about energy, they talk about spirituality, they talk about all these kind of things, different but I, I grew up and all my friends and anyone was into those kinds of things. Right? And, and at the beginning, it was a little bit difficult because it's, it's okay, I'm talking about something really different in in an end, at the beginning, I knew that for me, this work was important in our work. And I knew that not everyone would approve it. So So at the beginning, I told very few people because I really wanted the people that I knew that could support me, it was really important for me at that moment to grow strong, to be able then to don't care about what other people thought right at the beginning, I was not at that point. And I cared about what other people thought so. So once I grew strong, like, okay, I don't care anymore, what other people were seeing, and I start opening myself and I think that I can open myself much more because what I put in social media, I still have kind of a break sometimes like, okay, don't go do don't go to too much. Right. And, and I feel it and I know it. And I think that it's my own process, right? Because it's my own beliefs. I either it's my own beliefs, but it's my journey also. And, and I think that it's really beautiful to see, right how this process how you open yourself with with time, right at the beginning, you won't do it, and then you start sharing a little bit, and then you start sharing more, and then people get interested on it. And, and you know, and the thing starts get bigger and bigger and bigger. Right. And and I think that it's kind of a Yeah, it's kind of this opening process is also kind of a, it's kind of, I remember the book of The Little Prince. When when there's this Fox, he knows this Fox, right? And, and he says okay, they start seeing each one from apart from the other. And each day they were getting closer, right and, and, and I feel that it's kind of this process, right? Okay. I have to learn to to gain trust and I have to learn to be interesting myself, not nothing other people in myself and and this is a process until I feel comfortable measure more and more and more. And until the point that I don't care at all what other people think i i i go for it.

 

Catie Friend  44:24

No, quite right. I love I love that analogy about the Fox and the Little Prince. I might use that. Do you have a life coach of your own? Do you have somebody that you talk to still about your process?

 

44:37

Yeah, sure. Sure. Yeah, I know work also as a life coach. But But I think that and I've been working doing work on myself, but I think that I have I have had a coach or a life coach for two years because I think that there are some situations that you did for me at least that you need someone to take off your perspective and help you step off from your your perspective. And for me, I've done a lot of things by myself but, but there's a point that that I've needed kind of super from someone watching externally and with no judgement and, and it has helped me a lot. And it was one of the reasons why I decided to go also for life coaching I I've known I work, I've worked with one life coach, and I still work with with him, but I've known other many life coach years, and I really love the work they do, and how do they accompany people? Right? And it's a different kind of, I mean, sure, nowadays, there are many life coach schools and, and I think that that the important thing is that you can connect with the person that's, that's the most important thing but, but for me, life coaching has given me has given me the tool to to accompany people in a way that I really like and I feel comfortable with and and I trust because it seems I've done it myself. And, and in life coaching I did. Tony Robbins certificate. Yeah. And Tony is one of the best coaches in Wisconsin, he's considered one of the best coaches in the world. And I did his certification for that, because I thought if I want to do life coaching, I want to learn and want to be sure that I learned from from the best, right, and after is how you apply it, right? Not everyone is studying from, from the best colour and at the same level, right. But then it's how you apply it and how you how you transform it on a way that you feel comfortable doing it. But, but, um, and also, I mean, I don't stop studying. I study almost every day. And I read almost every day, but but I love I love how life coaching approach approach problems. And I've used a lot of my, a lot of myself, it has helped me a lot. And that's what I chose to do life coaching.

 

Catie Friend  47:08

Amazing. Well, I, I could keep talking to you for hours and hours. I just had one last point, which was, you know, about on the coaching side of things, people may hesitate to take on something like a life coach, but it's it always strikes me as extraordinary because, you know, you were a world champion in your chosen sport. And yet you still had a coach, you know, Celine Dion, one of the most prolific and successful singers in the world still has a voice coach. So why would you not have a coach for something as important as the only life you're ever going to lead?

 

47:49

Yeah, yeah, completely. I completely agree. And, and going back to Tony Robbins, he has coach people like, like Serena Williams, and Bill Clinton and Opera. Right. And you say, these are the most successful people in the world? How? How do they have a life coach and, and being successful doesn't mean that you don't have you don't need to burn you don't need I mean, I mean, people, people, I think that people wait too much before asking for help. And they see it like, like, they see like a bad thing as a weakness. Yeah, yeah, like a weakness. Right. That's the word. That's the word. And that's not it. Right? It's, I mean, it's, it's, it's being able with a goat is like it's tapping into your own potential and learning to use it more effectively. Right. And, and it can be when you have a problem and but you don't have to have a problem. Maybe you have a vision, and you know, how to get to that vision. And, and I think that people have at least here where where I am. People have many barriers when when asked when asking for help. But on the other side, I have to say that say that many people that I work with have told me I would have never gone to come to see up psychologist because I think that it's too much

 

49:13

when they feel comfortable.

 

Catie Friend  49:16

Well, I think there's there's an element of practicality with a coach, I think that appeals certainly appeals to me. Because you know, it's all very well talking and talking and talking and talking about stuff. But at some point for me personally, I like someone to say, Well, how do you think you might deal with that? Or what is stopping you from doing this or you know, this sort of asking of the questions and the practical maybe there's a plan to be made rather than just rehashing old hurts

 

49:50

and resentments are Sure, sure. And, and these are also I enjoy I enjoy so much my job because one day I'll be helping someone Planning, organising putting priorities on the life. Some other day, I'll be happy helping someone to go through some limiting beliefs and blockage. And and, and this is so beautiful this is so beautiful because I can I can accompany the person in their hole right and and we have to stop thinking that one person is one problem in a specific area of their lives. I mean, I mean, I mean, and and for example, for example when I think about one example about that is, for example, Tiger Woods when there was a time where he wasn't doing good performances in golf, and everyone was saying what's happening with him what's happening with him and the problem was not in golf, the problem was in his life. And yeah, and sometimes we, you know, we get so so. So we miss miss understand the thing, right? It's not the problem in my job, it's not the problem with my partner, it's not the problem. I don't know, in whatever, it's my, it's, it's my own personal problem that I'm manifesting manifesting through this through my job through my partner's through. And I think that coating, it just has, it's a really beautiful way to work on these problems in a, in a way, you know, as you were saying kind of in a with empowerment of the person and action taker. Right. Yeah. And we are gonna, we are gonna, we are gonna face that. And, and we are gonna work, we are going to work on that.

 

Catie Friend  51:38

Right? Absolutely. I I just love it. I think it's so as you say empowering and it opens up so much of life that perhaps, you know, somebody may not have thought of before, because of limiting beliefs because of circumstances and so on. And yeah, I think what you're doing is absolutely amazing. And I congratulate you on using the sort of the down and dark sides or parts of your life and your journey to help other people. I think that's absolutely incredible. How can we get hold of you? what's your website?

 

52:16

Well, my web website is, you know, to write my name, Miyamoto varela.com

 

Catie Friend  52:24

I will put it in the show notes, so everybody can read it properly.

 

52:29

They're perfect. Yeah,

 

Catie Friend  52:30

and we can get hold of you on Instagram as well.

 

52:33

Yeah, yeah, Instagram is Malaya Midori,

 

Catie Friend  52:37

I will also put that in the show notes. And you are available. And obviously you speak very good English. So available to help in English and in Spanish.

 

52:47

Yeah, yeah. Not in Catalan.

 

Catie Friend  52:50

Also in Catalan, yeah, yeah. Oh, amazing. Well, there you go three, three languages, and to speak, and to, to coach and, and so on. Thank you so much for joining me. I know you have to go. But I'm really so grateful for your time. It has been absolutely brilliant talking to you.

 

53:10

Thank you. Thank you, to you for for having me in, in this interview. And yeah, it was pretty nice to talk about this topic. I think that it was the first time they really did an interview like that, talking more about these topics, because many times people want to know why. Well want to know another kind of have questions more related to sports. And it's super nice to be able to talk about where I am now. What am I doing? And how are I arrive here? Because everything has has its own story. Right. And, and as I mean, many people have

 

Catie Friend  53:47

have really interesting stories. And it's really great when you can talk about it. It is and that is the purpose of my podcast is to talk to people about their amazing stories. So thank you for sharing yours. I really, really loved it. And we will speak very soon, I

 

54:01

hope. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. Bye Bye.”

Chatting to Vedangi Kulkarni

Vedangi Kulkarni.jpg

Warning: some strong language

In this episode I’m talking to Vedangi Kulkarni, the youngest woman to circumnavigate the world by bike (unverified). At 19 she set off on her own, largely unsupported, to cycle round the world and take on the challenge of a lifetime.

En route, she faced ice, snow, muggings, tears and concussion as well as a true appreciation of what it meant to have friends who really care and strangers who helped when she needed them most.

We talk about her childhood, growing up in India as an only child with a self-conscious start to friendships and whose parents gave her the gift of travelling, both of which stood her in good stead as she initially moved to the UK for university and then took on bigger and bigger adventures.

We discuss the transition from awkward teenager to a young woman who has matured into striking up conversations with strangers and having a newfound appreciation for the closeness of people who “get her”.

You can find out more about Vedangi on www.vedangikulkarni.com and follow her on Instagram @wheelsandwords. Her adventure consultancy, The Adventure Shed, can be found at www.theadventureshed.com

 Jenny Tough’s book, Tough Women Adventure Stories, is available on Amazon and in my opinion is absolutely brilliant and a little nuts!

Many thanks to Vedangi for her candid and hilarious stories.

Transcript

Please note transcripts are automatically generated by artificial intelligence so may not be 100% accurate

SPEAKERS

Vedangi Kulkarni, Catie Friend

 

Catie Friend  00:02

Hi, welcome to chatting to a friend. I'm Katie Friend. And in this podcast I'm chatting to incredible women about their life experiences and adventures, as well as their thoughts on friendship, community self care, setting boundaries and how they keep healthy, happy and sane. Today, I'm chatting to wpdandy Kulkarni, who is a 22 year old adventurer traveller who loves spending time in the outdoors and pushing her comfort zone. In 2018. she rode 29,000 kilometres around the world in 159 days, becoming the youngest woman to have circumnavigated the world on a bicycle. She was 19 when she started and 20 when she finished, and it was a mostly solo and unsupported journey. I am absolutely thrilled to have her dangi on the show with me today. Hi, Danny, thanks so much for joining me today on chatting to a friend. How are you?

 

Vedangi Kulkarni  01:03

I'm good. Thank you for having me. How are you?

 

Catie Friend  01:06

Very well. Thank you. Absolute pleasure to have you on. So obviously, you have had many adventures, one of which was a very grand adventure as Alistair Humphreys would call it cycling around the world 29,000 kilometres. I just want to talk to you about sort of how this has or what you were like before has this changed in relation to your friendships, relationships with other people meeting people around the world? I understand that you travelled a lot, as a child with your parents. Do you think that was something that helped form your ideas and your interest in meeting people around the world?

 

Vedangi Kulkarni  01:46

Yeah, certainly, certainly. I travel a lot as a like when I was growing up, yes, I travelled a lot. But also, my father used to work abroad. And the fact that every year to kind of spend 20 days in the house and 20 days, somewhere in the world, in the middle of an ocean or somewhere. And every time he has to come back here to tell all the stories of the new people who joined there, or, you know, whatever happens in the middle of ocean, he was just like telling me all about it. And I was like, oh man, like, it sounds so cool that it meets all these people from all the different countries and you know, gets to go these places. Yeah, wonder if I can ever do that. So, yeah, a lot of the Curiosity came from there. But also, when me and my parents used to travel. Like, for example, in 2009, we went for kind of went for a trip in Switzerland. And it was just the three of us, me and my parents. And we were at the train station, wanted to. I wanted to play stone paper scissors with this little guy. He was five, I was nine. I think I think I was nine. I don't remember. Anyway, I ended up like, guessing what the German words for stone, paper and scissors were. And then my mum used to speak German. So she walked over. And then this guy's mom walked over and started chatting. And eventually, we got invited over at there's like for lunch. And we travelled to places with them. And then we stayed over there. So basically, yeah, like, making making friends to travelling and building relationships, like we are still friends with them. And I still visit them quite often. So like, that's something that definitely came from the experiences I had in travelling growing up.

 

Catie Friend  03:44

So your parents were a huge influence. So your dad especially well, obviously your mum, and her linguistic skills. And and did you do? Did you find I'm gonna come back to your childhood in a minute. But did you find experiences like that? You know, I read often when I read it about adventures, and I read a lot about adventures, that, you know, the world these days is often portrayed to us as a really scary place, and people are bad. And there's all sorts of, you know, very many reasons why you should just stay at home with all the windows and doors closed. But presumably, despite some of the unfortunate incidents you had when you were travelling on your your cycle around the world, that you must have found that deep down and that is absolutely not true that people around the world are good, effectively, essentially.

 

04:33

Yeah, yeah. I may have had a shit experience with some people. But the bottom line is that the reason that I am alive today and talking to you is because of those amazing people who helped me out of those situations. And, yeah, I it's definitely something that I really kind of give a lot of importance to, because it'll be announced quite often. If that's put me off from travelling or you know, run my bike or going on adventures or going alone and all that, but could you

 

Catie Friend  05:08

perhaps expand on what what incident you're actually talking about?

 

05:14

Yes, of course. Well, I was riding around the world, I two thirds swing to the ride in Spain. I got mugged at knifepoint and attacked at knifepoint thrown around a bit. And they were stalking me for a bit before they actually pushed me off of my bike. And yeah, in the process of the whole thing that was held at knifepoint, literally, and the other person was going through my belongings, and then it was thrown off the side of the road. And then my bike fell, like on the top of me. And all of my stuff was like basically spread on the road. And it was it was really like, shit incident like I was, I was unconscious for a few hours. And when I got up, I had to find my way back up and you know, take my bike up, and I have no idea what I was doing. I didn't know which direction I was going in, manage to walk in a direction that I was just like, what that made sense if then we've got so my stuff was pulled across more in one direction than in another. And I just guessed that that's the direction I was going in. Which doesn't make sense because everything happened was we were on a standstill. But whatever. Yeah, walked in that direction found a gas station. And the guy there obviously, is Spanish. I speak English. I don't I don't stand Spanish. So somehow, we were trying to Google Translate. But then I, before we could get to that I didn't remember my phone password. He tried 0000. That worked. Because somehow All my life I've had that work. And yeah, ended up Google translating everything. And I didn't remember anything. So he was finding it really like annoying, but I don't remember anything. And I'd like I said, I might have had my head. And then I had a bump was like, hey, look, I did it. And yeah, after a lot of kind of chatting with him, there was this family who actually spoke English, which ended up taking me to a hospital where we found out that I had a concussion and I obviously, I enjoyed that coffee ate something. And I kept throwing. And I was like, there was like blood, sweat and blood and I wasn't sure what was happening. And I kept getting really bad headaches. My body felt like someone's like, hit me with a truck or something. It was shit. And I just didn't know why that was happening. Because I didn't remember what was happening to me what had happened to me. But yeah, after the after I was back to a motel room, from the hospital. I kind of, you know, calm down and made myself like I literally, when you're so quiet, you actually start remembering things of it. And I kept getting flashes of memory. But when I found that space for myself, to just be in it, what I found that time to be by myself. Somehow it all came back to me and I was like, Okay, this is what happened. Like, only small flashes of memory can be stitched together. And this is what happened. And yeah, that made sense, because I remembered the number of the motorbike that the guys were on, because that's what I was focusing on was held at knifepoint. And yeah, I was trying to also figure out what the guy looked like, who was taking my stuff. I was like, if I ever have to describe to anyone, I can describe him, like, you know, based on his appearance to me, like, you know, he looked like this Bollywood actor or something. But yeah, that was the incident in Spain. But like, the reason I, I was able to figure all this out was because those people that guy who owned the gas station and that family, they actually took time out of their lives, they went out of their way to to help me out and to take me to the hospital to figure out what was wrong with me. They were just as worried about me. As I would say, if my parents were there, they would have been, but I didn't I didn't tell my parents until I was kind of back on the bike and comfortably writing. Gosh,

 

Catie Friend  09:37

so you find some good people out there to to help and when you did tell your parents and friends what was the reaction, did they you know, I kind of get from reading about you and from having spoken to you before that, you know, your parents would not necessarily likely to be on the first plane to Spain to pick you up. But there must have been hugely And

 

10:01

yeah, they were they were my dad was like, What the fuck is up with you and your unsupported thing? Can Can we just arrange for someone to kind of drive so that so that, you know, you're safe and and I was like, Look, if there's gonna be a chat about me getting support I'd rather not do it like I'm to stop. And like I made I was being really extra about it like, you know, I didn't, I didn't I don't think I really understood my parents perspective on being that worried because I was in my own kind of pit. So I was like they were, they were really, really, really worried about me and they weren't sure if it was right for me to continue. And like, I wasn't just saying that I was going to continue. I was saying I was also going to write across Russia at that time, which I did halfway, but anyway, and they knew I was going to be winded and they're just like, what are you doing? And at some point, like, another thing was the conflict. concussion is not a big thing in India, like, you know, someone falls on their head, they just fell on their head, it hurts a little bit. It's kind of left at that. Because of that, I had to actually explain to my parents what it what it does to you. And so like, two weeks later, when I was still struggling, I, my dad was like, Hey, you know what, you can still make it. Like, you know, you can still make the 29,000 kilometres in a decent time. Don't need to kind of just because you didn't get the world record, like you know, doesn't mean you still can make it in a decent time. And I remember I was just like, yelling, but I just going, No, I'm absolutely done with this. I'm going to ride my bike and

 

11:54

whatever face on

 

11:57

telling me that. I don't think you really understand what what this has done to me. And I don't think you like I hadn't told him the whole thing about what should happen. I didn't tell him about knives. I just told that was mobbed. If I told that I was actually held at knifepoint, I'm pretty sure the reaction by both of my parents would have been different. Yeah. And my mom ended up like, the one thing I've always told my parents is and not contact my friends, because I absolutely hate that. And my mom ended up like messaging all my friends and telling them like, you know, to check in with me, often and all that. And I was doing that anyway, like on the way I was just sometimes because this incident happened when it was dark. Somehow, every time I could like after that every time I wrote in the night or two at night, and I saw a light it really freaked me out. And I would just call him call a friend and chat. And that was that was something that really helped in the first few. Well, yeah, first few weeks of after the concussion, it really helped that I would just call my friends up and just chat to them. And one was based on windows at the time he was in Finland. One was in machine Ireland is either in Ireland or Brazil, one of those. And another one was actually I lived with him. He's like my best friend. And he was a part of the film crew, which kind of saw me in some places and film some sections of the of the ride. And he wasn't like after. After Paris, I believe he wasn't gonna be there for the rest of the world. And I was just like, Yeah, fine, but like when he was gone. I remember like, I was like also calling him a lot. And then there were other friends as well. And just like, friends that initially before I left, I thought were acquaintances. They would just call me up and be like, Hey, how are you? And I was just mad. magically, I would reappear on on their radar, I

 

Catie Friend  14:05

suppose. So your mom did you a favour by ignoring your

 

14:08

wishes.

 

14:10

And it was actually completely different friends.

 

Catie Friend  14:14

So these are sort of acquaintances that you didn't start? Well, obviously, there was the best friend but people that you didn't necessarily know that well. Is it sometimes easier? Do you think to talk to people that you maybe don't know that don't know you as well?

 

14:26

Certainly it is it is because I think the people who know you really well. There is also a possibility that they will get worried really easily. And you also like always think about them along with yourself when you're talking. And so in my case, I think more about the person I'm talking to then I would about myself. So in that case, like when I'm talking to an acquaintance I would actually not hold back on my emotions or how I'm feeling I would just be really open And that's like, it doesn't need to be an acquaintance. Or like someone or it could be someone I do not know at all, it could be a stranger. And, you know, I'm really open like that. And it's it's quite funny actually, I think like, someone who doesn't know me at all, if that person sees me talking to another stranger, they would think I'm their friend, actually, because I am that open with other people.

 

Catie Friend  15:27

And where do you think that comes from? Where does that openness come from? Do you think it's that sort of travelling as a child? Do you think it comes partly from being an adult? You're an only child, aren't you? Yeah,

 

15:37

I'm an only child. Yeah.

 

Catie Friend  15:39

Do you think there's an only child element to that, that sort of ability to talk to adults and,

 

15:43

and other people easily? Yeah, that that's one of the things were also the other travel experiences with my parents, because my mom, she used to encourage me to ask other people where they're from, unlike, you know, and like to kind of chat to other people or ask for help. Or she used to just kind of when we needed to know directions for someplace, for example, my parents would ask me to do it, because they would encourage me to be open like that, and not be shy for asking for help. And I think that was really cool. At the time, I was like, Oh, why do I need to do this? I just want to listen to my music. But yeah, now I really appreciate it. Because I'm not scared of talking to strangers.

 

Catie Friend  16:30

And I read in your, in your website that you said you didn't have that many friends at school, were you always in the same school? Or did you move around because of your dad's work? Or

 

16:41

no. So like, dad's work didn't really affect where we lived as much. But I think, until I was seven or eight, I was in a different place than where my, like, arrest of my primary school and secondary happened. And I think, yeah, I didn't really have anything to do with moving places, it was more about just totally how it was. And I think I've always had a little little so I've grown up when my dad used to be out of the country, I never really got on really well with my mom. So because obviously, she was alone and like ultra taking care of me. And she had to, she wasn't able to see things, he wasn't able to do the things that she wanted to do. And then the frustration would kind of come out on me. And it was like, I don't know, it was it was abusive. And I kind of got really, I used to get really nervous I i was i wasn't I didn't find it easy to talk to people my age, or I didn't find it easy to express myself when in school, or whenever like group trips and stuff like, you know, school trips, I wouldn't go on them because I was scared, I wouldn't have anyone to sit next to me. Or I was just like, oh, man, like, I'm going to be alone again. And again. Like when I was actually in school, you know, when when you have lunch break and stuff, I used to be sitting alone, I was pathetic, honestly, as the sitting alone by myself and eating it. And I was like, honestly, how am I going to spend the rest of my life like, I remember, like, I distinctly remember thinking that and I would have never thought that. Like when I moved here, I would be so comfortable with all that. And I would be so comfortable with being by myself and having my own company. But in the school, there was a problem because I was also bullied a little bit. So that didn't help. But I didn't have any friends of my own. Who are girls, basically. So I got better with the guys. But then it ended up in a really weird way because it was also some of the guys which will like booing you know, it's just like, Who are my friends who weren't? And I remember this thing because I even like, yeah, this really bothers me even now that I did that at the time. But I remember asking people who are my acquaintances at the time I was what 1213 something like that. And I remember asking all those people if there's something annoying about me that they don't want to be friends with me and asked every single person that I thought had that thing. And I literally I and they were really honest, and apparently I was annoying, and I was just like it was it was really funny, but it was also really sad.

 

Catie Friend  19:42

And when you say annoying, like did they elaborate and you know, because

 

19:46

oh yes, they elaborated painful, it's painful.

 

Catie Friend  19:50

Did you think do you think you do think that changed you? Or did you change behaviours in any way? Or did it make it easier for you to understand? the sort of person that you were or how did that how did it affect you What happened?

 

20:05

I think I got more comfortable with having that lunch alone. You know why? Because I realised that I spoke with my parents about this when my dad came back from work. I remember for like, when he was back for his 20th eating, I told him that I did this. And then he was just telling me that you don't need first seat, you don't need to get on with everyone. And second, like the kind of person you are, or you think you are, there's nothing wrong with that. So I told him what my what my friends and yours Look, that's bullshit. That's just them being teenagers. You read books, you write stuff, and I was I was writing, I call it the manuscript. I was writing a book with my hands at the time, it was funny. And, and my dad was saying that that's actually like, like, he said that I was being more I was, I wasn't, I don't know, he said that I was being more grown up than I was at the time. So I wasn't being a teenager. And that's why they, they like, that's why they said all those things. And that's why they thought that I wasn't, I was mature, or I was doing things which were little can be won by age.

 

Catie Friend  21:22

Do you think they felt a little bit threatened that you seemed different? Or, as your dad said, more grown up?

 

21:28

it I think, I think they just found a bit strange. Like, you know, you kind of get along with people who aren't like you, and I wasn't like them. And I didn't, I didn't. Yeah, I kind of made my peace with that at a point. I was like, actually, it's not bad that I didn't have friends in school. And it's not bad that I don't have friends of the same gender, wherever I do have and like, it's okay. And I kind of got better at that. Because then like, I remember that year that I realised that I read more books than I ever had in my days before. I was just like, I read books, I played football, I, I did everything. I rode my bike, I did everything else. And I remember, like, making myself realise that look, other people don't define you, you define yourself. And yeah, my parents really helped with that as well. Because Yeah, they would, they would ask me every self and if, if everything in school is okay. And I'd be like, well, I don't go to school trips, I asked you guys to take me somewhere. And you know, we used to go on family trips, instead of me going to school trips. Because I told them that I'm worried. I don't think, like, you know, when, when people don't like you, you start getting worried that something bad's gonna happen, and no one's gonna be there to help you. And I was really worried about that. Because at the time, like, like, as a 1213 year old, when you're worried that people are not going to like you, and they're not going to help you. You don't know if you can help yourself either.

 

23:15

You know, so?

 

Catie Friend  23:18

Yes, no, I'm just, I'm quite, I'm struck by the fact that you realise that quite an early age, you said that people other people don't define you. I mean, do you? Do you have any idea that of how, what a mature thought that is? Because there are people a hell of a lot older than you. I've still not figured that out.

 

23:39

Oh, I didn't. At the time. I don't realise I'm like, even now I need to make myself realise again and again, that hey, like other people, like, not everyone will like you. And it's okay. Because I like there's so many people that already know that don't like the way I am, but then I'm with the support of friends and my parents as well. I always kind of come back to the whole other people don't define you thing. And it's like, it's phases that make me realise that, okay, yeah, yeah, you kind of come back to who you are and what you do, like, you know, don't think

 

Catie Friend  24:18

I read that you found sort of friendship and relationships, more in your extracurricular activities, including your football and that sort of thing. Well, not as much. Well,

 

24:30

yeah, a little bit in football as well, to be fair, but yeah, I sucked at football, like I was, I I didn't I don't never like to run so I was stuck at the goalposts. I was goalkeeper, but I was fearless in terms of going for the polls. I would, I wouldn't be afraid of just you know, diving for the ball. And I've broken my nose several times. I've got hit in my head like kick several times, which might be which might explain why I'm so crazy. But anyway,

 

25:00

But yeah, I,

 

25:03

when I was playing football when I was playing it with with the guys, I knew I was not as strong. And I think that helped me make friends with the guys. But when I was playing with girls, because I was at the goalposts and because I didn't have this whole commanding, I don't know, personality. I don't have a commanding personality, let's face it, I can be the person standing at the goalpost going, all right, go for the ball, do this do that. Like just I don't think I'm the one yelling at people to do that. So I was in and I realised, and I think I was also afraid of the other other girls because I was, frankly, a pushover. So remember to national camp. I was washing my clothes and wash basin. And I had them and everything. No, my mama taught me what to do when I was you know, following your instructions doing on that by myself. And the girl saw that they didn't know what to do. So they asked me if if I can do it for them. And then I was like, Oh, yeah, they're trying to be friends with me. They're being nice. Oh, yes, of course. I did it with him. And then for like five days straight, they kept asking me, I didn't even realise that the correct thing to say was Oh, let me teach you how to do it so that he can do it. So yeah. Anyway, learn from that. And that was the camp, which was the end of my football career. Right. When after that I switched to cycling. And that's worked really well for me, I would

 

Catie Friend  26:41

like it. Yes. And so you met lots of people through that was your cycling club or just meeting with people?

 

26:49

Not always in cycling club? Oh, that's funny, actually. Because I went in, I went for a short kind of cycling trip in the Himalayas with my, like, ex boyfriend. And when I was there, I remember. I remember meeting this guy who was like, I think it was like 30 something year old. And he was I just asked him about like, bunch of mountaineering questions, because I was into mountaineering. So we had a good chat about mountaineering. And he, he was saying that I was really good at the cycling part of the trip. And like, you know, if I wanted, I could do the whole whole road, which goes across Himalayas, essentially. And I was like, No way, I would love to add, and then he was like, hang on, how old are you? And I said, I was 17. Oh, we do it at like, so it was youth hostel associations, which which were doing that thing. Yeah, it also associations of India, they had organised that little emmalin adventure. And then it's Grant amalan adventure, which is kind of I would say, That's expedition worthy. Yeah, that Himalayan route that are done. They do it in groups. And they, they make it sound and look really fancy. And he said to me that look like because you're under 18, we might not be able to take you on. And then I kept in touch with him. And I would message him with, you know, what, what sort of Route should I take? What sort of stuff Should I carry and all that. And eventually, like, he became a really good family friend. So like, I still talk to him. He's like a mentor to me contest. And he tells me what stuff I should go or in terms of, you know, get get at the time, I needed to buy a new bike for this and all that. So, you know, he helped me through that process. Until like, even when I came to the UK when I needed to buy a bike. And even after the round world thing when I needed to prepare for Silk Road, and I was like, Oh shit, I'm standing on a mountain bike. I can't understand the power variations and putting in so much power. And I'm not going as fast and he knows the scientific things behind it as well. So yeah, like, somehow through the six day trip that I've gone to, I ended up meeting a friend who encouraged me to do this whole, you know, this ride across Himalayas and I think that sort of relationships that you can have that get forged in the mountains, I suppose. Yeah, you don't easily kind of forget about them let go and like, you know, you kind of hang on to them for like, a long, long time. And I think this is awesome because he in the last part of my ride around the world, in the last part of India think it was last 1500 2000 something kilometres. And at the time, I was like, Oh my god, I only have this smart left. So happy about being able being at a place where I could say that, but anyway, and he had joined me for that. And I remember having something a similar sort of chat with him when I was writing there. And I was telling him that, hey, do you remember that I'd come up to you. And I'd asked you all these questions about mountaineering, and I did not know that you knew everything better. And yeah, it's really cool.

 

Catie Friend  30:28

And so you think that changed in some way, the way you view friendships did that, it seems like it's kind of a pivotal point, finding someone who was interested in the same things as you and didn't perhaps view as, you know, a kid, the weird kid that, you know, that reads books and so on. I

 

30:46

I love the fact that I've always been able to make better friendships and all that with people who are older than me. Because somehow I just managed to make a conversation that works, that they don't find annoying that that just, it just happens to work. I don't know how to explain it. It's always kind of it's been a case quite a few times now. And yeah, yeah, I think that's definitely. Yeah, that's definitely changed the way I look at friendships as well. But then my closest friends are kind of around my age. And I think that's really cool. But that didn't happen for a long time. When I move to this country to the US

 

Catie Friend  31:33

old were you when you moved to the UK?

 

31:36

I had just turned 18. Like literally five days after I turned 18 and moved

 

Catie Friend  31:40

and you came to you went to Bournemouth to study is that correct? Yeah, yeah.

 

31:45

I came here. I didn't know a single person. It was really fun. And what

 

Catie Friend  31:50

what made your connections like How did you meet people? Was it through your course? Was it through cycling? Was it combination?

 

31:59

I saw I had gone to a cycling social, but I found it. Yeah, as a hellenized, as a person of colour, walking into a very light place, I always found being really found myself being really, really, really nervous. I wouldn't. I remember the first year of my school law, school, sorry, university, I wouldn't like look up and walk, I would look down. Like I would like, you know, not even on my phone, I would just look down on my feet and walk. And I was like, one like, you know, I didn't have much confidence at all. And I think it was riding my bike. When I was not in uni that actually built my confidence slowly, in terms of the fact that, hey, I just wrote 300 kilometres, oh, maybe I can, you know, feel stronger about myself and feel better about myself. And I can do better. And I remember, because there were people in cycling club who found about me doing these weirdly long rows and more, or long rides more often. They kind of like, that's how I started kind of chatting with people. But then I would refuse to

 

33:15

go on group rides.

 

33:16

I never know, I still haven't gone for a single group ride with the club. And I was I was the president of the club and I never went on a group ride. You know why? Because I just can't, like I can't, I think it must have been that thing. When I didn't go to school trips, it could have been that I just cannot cope with riding bikes in a group like with other people, they just kind of I go with, if there's a couple of people I go, and mostly they are like good friends of mine when I can choose to go with other people. But coming to the UK made me realise that I can I can choose who I want to be friends with, I can choose who I do not want to be. I can like I have the kind of ability to make those decisions. And I really like that. And yeah, cycling. The friends that are made from cycling are kind of Yeah, the other ones that I actually am even going to spend my next birthday with more like and speaking about friendships. Last year. I went to this, I rode my bike from Belgium, to Morzine in French Alps with a friend of mine, but never done bike biking before. And she's like a she's one of my close friends. She's, again, she's a best friend. And she's the one that I said was like either in Ireland or Brazil and I was riding around the world. And I spoke with her a lot and I spoke absolutely like we would talk about anything just about anything. And for a long time like two three hours and she's quite adventurous and I remember after our on our last day of the ride to moving or climbing that big hill, remember telling her that this is certainly going to be the highlight. Like now there's going to be 40 other people, all of them are my friends, but there's going to be 40 other people how, like, you know, this is too much.

 

35:12

And

 

35:14

God said hello to people. And I remember somehow, like, I realised how much of a difference three years can make. Because that time, I was totally comfortable chatting with everyone. I was even drinking some some buco. While not some A lot of it.

 

35:33

And I was just,

 

35:34

I was so comfortable mingling with people at that point, and I just couldn't believe it. Because that's, that wasn't me.

 

Catie Friend  35:42

Can you think of maybe a couple of things that, I mean, we've talked a lot about a lot of things, but what do you think were the main reasons Do you think the confidence of taking on such a big challenge? And as you say, maybe learning to to be in your own in your own company? Definitely.

 

36:01

I think it was the fact that I realised that I can rely on myself I can be by myself, and I can be comfortable with that. That was that really boosted my confidence. And so much so that, like, I met someone, like at the, at that trip with my friends, and now I live with him. Like, it's funny how that works. Like, I never had the confidence with like something.

 

Catie Friend  36:29

As in a partner.

 

36:30

Yeah, yeah. Oh, lovely.

 

Catie Friend  36:32

I was gonna ask you actually about your friend, you talking of living with people, your friend that you said, came with you did some of the filming? He gave up? Being at university for good or for a year? Or what to help you for a year for a year? Yeah. That's extraordinary. You see there there that tells me something about what kind of friend You must be that somebody believed in you so much, and that you gave him the confidence to, you know, to say, right, I need to properly knuckle down and help this person.

 

37:00

Yeah, it was insane. I didn't I, I think it came to me as a surprise as well. So I remember we were in a bike cafe talking about risk assessments for this round the world. Like, journey. And we were at, obviously, at the time, I was going for the world record. And also, we were noting down all the everything that could go wrong, basically. And he was the one who was like, he was telling me how everything could lead to death. And you know, I would just try and hold back and he would just not go back and just tell me the whole thing. And I was like, Oh, damn, like that can kill me too, then Okay, then fine. And then everything we'd like to risk level for somehow, because we were just going for those kind of things. And I remember that was the time when it's kind of like I was and then he said, but he was thinking of deferring from university for that year. So that he can join me for some bits to film those. But, and, and I was I was initially look, no way, like, an hour away. I was like, hang on, you're telling me? No, you've already done it, haven't you? And I was like, Yeah, yeah, I kind of give him get a row wrote, he wrote to someone and in some department in university, and I didn't even know that. And I know for a fact that he was also facing kind of a rough time at the time. And he was, yeah, he was facing really rough time between like, in early 2018. So he saw this as an opportunity to jump in and, you know, kind of get involved in something more adventurous that will help him see more of a world and all that as well. And I was it was awesome. Like, and yeah, he knew he meant the world to me for that was awesome.

 

Catie Friend  38:58

That's fantastic. Now, I just wanted to touch on something you said a minute ago, when you arrived in the UK as a person of colour? You didn't feel quite? Did I understand quite welcome. Or like you had a place amongst all the white faces? Is that in your accrual? If that's the right word of friends, over the years? Do you have a mixture of friends from different cultures? No. Or is it not something that is in the front of your mind?

 

39:30

I have got our friendships from like different colleges now. Yes, I do have friends from different who come from different cultural backgrounds now, and I think that helps the part of me which kind of you know, first came in the country and didn't feel very welcome. But I think the reason it didn't feel really welcome at the time was because I was in a culture shock. None of the things that I saw around me were part of my life before that. You know, seeing people on phones all the time. For example, like everyone who would sit in the cafeteria, I was used to, I was like, I don't know, if you go to a cafe in India, like now probably in a city. Yeah, people would be on their phones as well. But otherwise, you sit in mom's, like, you know, you just strike a conversation you make you talk to people like, and I always grew up like that. So I found it really strange. Like, I didn't feel like it was very accessible to actually reach out. And, yeah, I think that was like, the part which Really? I don't know, which really?

 

40:42

Yeah,

 

40:43

I think that was, that was the reason I just didn't feel like it was very accessible to talk to people. And, like, over the time of the ears, when I have built friendships kind of I, I have, I would like to think that I've tried to be more accessible because of that experience, or those experiences. Yeah, I would like to think

 

Catie Friend  41:11

it sounds to me, like, the friendship and sometimes the lack of friendships have played such a huge part in taking you to where you are to have achieved such an enormous thing in at such a young age, because I think back to myself at your age, and I was mainly just concerned with when how quickly Friday would roll around at university and and I could go dancing. And I just I feel like, you know, it's such a vulnerable age, the sort of teen years and late teen years and you took this awkward friendship stage and turned it into something that, really, you've achieved an enormous amount, how much do you think friendship or lack thereof has driven you to do what you've what you've achieved so far? A

 

42:01

lot. So yeah, that's always been a factor. And what I've done and how I've done it, for example, when I first came here, within a few months, I left for a bike ride across the country. And I remember thinking, well, no one's gonna want to follow it. Like, you know, I don't really have anyone to actually talk about this with. And I, I had this inner, I've got nothing to lose mindset at that point. And I think that really drove me to talking with more strangers along the way. That was like, Yeah, I think that overlooked part of me, which was like, knocking on stranger's doors and being like, Hey, I'm the dunking meeting. I'm from India, I recently moved here. And I'm just exploring the country. And can I have a cup of tea with you or something? I've done that people have loved it. And they are welcomed me in that welcomed me in their homes. And, you know, amazing. And, yeah, they have also some of closed doors in my faces. And I don't think much of that. But I think that, like these incidents, these incidences have made me feel more comfortable with being by myself, I would say, and these incidences made me realise that even if I didn't have anything that I do know, I will still be able to survive, just through the power of communication. And yeah, I think that's, that's what it's done. And then, obviously, yeah, I think that that that ride really kind of strikes as a highlight to, to your question.

 

Catie Friend  43:44

And it finally started because we've spoken before, just as a very late disclaimer in the in the podcast, but I know that you have had the guts to phone up some pretty impressive people and interview them. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Oh, yeah, yeah.

 

44:03

Well, I recently launched a course called adventure planning Crash Course. And I realised that because I picked up inspiration from from books and everything of all these adventurous people. I would like for people who follow my course to also take inspiration from Yeah, so I just reached out to all the people that I looked up to personally. And basically, our people like Jenny tuff, who is running across every mountain, like he's running across a mountain range of every continent, and I just, like, messaged her if she was okay with doing an interview. And then there was Jochen tiller, who I knew at the like who I knew was who kind of manages some really awesome people like Alastair Humphreys and I love this word Justin Gosling and all that was like, gosh, like Shane and respond and turns out he had like, emailed me and it went in my spam or something. And yeah, she was really keen. Then there Sean Conway, who, literally on one message, he was ready for it as well. And there was mad pycroft. So. I remember when the adventure podcast first started, I had a dream that I would kind of either I would like to do something worthy enough to be invited on that podcast. And it started in 2018. And remember, at that time, I

 

45:31

was like, Alright,

 

45:32

I give myself two years to do something worthy enough to be on there. Now, like, I just messaged Matt, when I was launching this course about how how much I love that podcast first and second. And how much I love following the phones by cold house and then how much I would like for him to interview, do an interview with me for for my course, and use euros down for it. And it was wonderful. And like, I think I messaged him on Instagram. Then I messaged him on LinkedIn and on Twitter. And he he told me when we actually spoke, he told me that he really liked my process. Like that. So now that's the thing that people have told me is annoying about me. But like when I reach out to people who kind of you know and look up to they have actually liked it. Even markets at that mark Beaumont. Yeah, I reached out to him as well, which was back in 2017. And reached out to him saying, Ma'am, I want to do this right around the world. And you know, I was gonna write to Kendall at the time from bone with which is really long distance. And I did it in like two days. And I think I'd done like 350 kilometres each day or something. And I had had bruised ribs at the time, because I fell off from my staircase in the house, and, oh, man, it was such a painful ride. But when I got there, I remember, I attended Mark's talk, and then we're having drinks mark and Sean Conway. And I was insane. I didn't, I would have never thought I would be in a situation where I'm having drinks with two people that I absolutely look up to and followed adventures for so long and all that. So it was quite crazy. But yeah, anyway, reached out to him as well. And I think it's, it's just about reaching out and putting yourself out there with so many people, it's, it makes a difference. When you're reaching out to people who you look up to those Actually, it's, it's more scary than reaching out to a stranger. Because there's like this bit where you're worrying about their judgement towards you as well.

 

Catie Friend  47:53

And there's an expectation because you feel like you know them. Yeah, because you've read their books, or you've listened to their talks. Or I reached out to somebody quite recently on Instagram, because I just read her book in a big kind of, hey, do you want to be on my podcast? Zero answer. And after took me about two days ago, she's probably thinking, I don't know you. So I feel a little more formal email may actually be appropriate. But you're right. You have an expectation of them because you think you know them, but they have absolutely zero clue who you are.

 

48:30

Yeah, that's that's a scary.

 

Catie Friend  48:33

So tell me just very briefly about your new adventure. You mentioned it just a minute ago. But tell us a little bit more about what you're doing at the adventure shed. Is that right? Yeah.

 

48:43

Yes. So I recently launched something called the adventure shed through which I help other people plan their adventures. So so far, I have to pull polar explorers for whom I'm planning their polar journeys, basically polar expeditions. And then there's someone who is doing a travelling around the world. There is some who is planning a really, really, really long running expedition. And yeah, there's also someone who's kind of planning to do like cycling around the world but not actually circumnavigation as persons planning to ride in like every country, you know. So yeah, I am helping these people plan their expeditions, but also support in terms of brand management. So you know, managing the social media or making like long term plans for them and helping them while helping them make the long term plans to be fair, I don't make them I helped them make them and along with that, I realised that I may be just 21. But I do have some sort of experience from the mistakes that I've made to talk about what not to do, when you're putting adventure together or what to do when you put an adventure together? Or I say, so yeah, I launched something called adventure planning crash course in which I talk about the elements of planning an adventure, or an expedition. And in terms of it says videos, there's workbooks. And there's interviews with the guest experts that I spoke about earlier. And yeah, I've really shifted the video part of it. But I promise it's still gonna be good enough to figure out you know, what it's about. But yeah, that's that's kind of what I've been doing will be adventure shed. Great. And

 

Catie Friend  50:37

lastly, sort of wealth penultimately. You have also been featured in a new book called tough women, which is edited by Jenny tuff, who you mentioned earlier. Oh, yeah. You're in some very, very good company in that book. Oh, man. Yeah, I'm

 

50:53

starting a company of giants aren't shy. It's crazy. Like, I, I never thought this would come up. Like I remember. It was, I think these people, the other people in the book were contacted last year to be in the book. And I was contacted, like in March. And, yeah, because I was just chatting with Jen. And she's like, Oh, absolutely forgot to tell you. I was gonna wait until Atlas mountain race to actually meet you in person and tell you this, but and then yeah, she said that she's doing this book called tough woman adventure stories. And then she told me who was going to be in there. And she was like, would you like to contribute a story for that? And I was like, holy shit, okay.

 

Catie Friend  51:39

They're all so beautifully written as well, what struck me was not just the, well, there's a level of insanity. Let's face it, amongst all of you. But some of us mere mortals may struggle to ever achieve. But, and I say that with the greatest of respect, actually. But you know, there's this the grit and determination and the powering through and things are really bad. But what also struck me about all the stories was, how beautifully written they were. And how evocative and how thought out and how I really felt like I was there. So tough women is out now edited by Jenny tough stories of incredible female adventures, more of which we should hear about all the time because my word, you are all absolutely hard as nails. And how can we follow you? Where can we find you on Instagram, or that sort of thing?

 

52:34

on Instagram, on wheels and works on Twitter as well on wheels and words? And yeah, on Facebook. My name is Dan Guccione,

 

Catie Friend  52:44

there's a page brilliant, which I will put in the podcast notes. There's the correct spelling, and to make sure everybody finds you. But then get it has been an absolute pleasure. It's always a pleasure for me to talk to you. Because I just find you the most extraordinary woman really, I do. And I'm old enough to be your mother. So I find it extraordinary that you have this wealth of life experience already at such an early age, I cannot wait to see where you go next. Must be quite hard to talk a trip around the world.

 

53:16

Thank you for having me. And it's always lovely to talk to you. I say that every time we speak. Yeah, it's always lovely to chat to you. So thank you so much.

 

Catie Friend  53:26

My absolute pleasure. And we will catch up again soon. But in the meantime, all the very best.

 

53:31

Awesome, thank you so much.”